Suspenders - Yes, he’s wearing suspenders. This is not a cool comeback, boys. This is not like when rappers started wearing old-school Adidas and made them cool again. They were never cool, never will be. Not even when Mork wore the rainbow striped ones. Ditch ‘em.

Bowties -  There are a few downtown senior lawyers (who shall remain nameless) who wear bowties. Consistently. It is their ‘look’, such as it is. Younger men appear to be trying to emulate these Howdy-Doody gents, perhaps hoping to also emulate their bank accounts. Again, a no go. Bowties are for eating with peas, prosciutto and cream sauce. Not for wearing.

The Sportcoat -  More prevalent in the winter months, sportcoats are patterned, textured blazers typically paired with solid-coloured dress pants. They are nasty – and not in a Janet Jackson good way. Said coats are made even more ghastly when worn with a turtleneck underneath. Reminiscent of Mr. Drummond from Diff’rent Strokes – and you never saw him come home with a girlfriend, did you?

Vests - Yes, from time to time you see will Brad Pitt, or perhaps David Beckham in a vest. If you are said hotties, by all means, indulge. If you are, instead, a lawyer billing hours in a downtown firm, deny deny deny.

Button-down shirts under sweaters - From time to time even I must admit defeat. Fashionista’s other half just left the house in such an outfit and could not be persuaded otherwise.

If you do see one of these poor lost souls, do what you can to save him from dying a long, slow, middle-aged death. Spray him with Ace body spray, mess up his hair with some texturizing cream, do something! The profession will thank you for it.

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